reflection on my writing

Okay, so this is supposed to be a small period of self-reflection, and i'm supposed to write in this period so I can  clearly understand my reflections. Writing will slow my thoughts so I can  verify the scientific integrity of each reflection and when I read it later I'll understand myself better inshAllah.

Whenever I read some really awesome blog I so want to be able to write like that - i'm trying to scoop up any bit of concentration left after Muhammad gave Fatimah a very loud read out of cooking-safely instructions in the kitchen.

My problem with writing is I constantly asses what I've written to make sure my comparisons are accurate and will give the reader the same feeling I felt when I saw whatever it is the comparison is about. Writing also slows my thoughts down so much that they become heavy and constructed brick by brick like a building.

I want them to be like popcorn when you pour it from the frying machine into a big cup and they fall down really lightly and bounce about, and the cup doesn't feel heavy at all though it's a lot of tasty popcorn. I want reading my writing to be like eating popcorn. You don't notice you're going through it at all untill you're done.

I also get very depressed when writing because I keep going back and checking that i'm not trying to write like someone else or that i'm not being too vague or general or that i'm not writing something that sounds fake, like - just had Cinnabon Pecabon, Yaay!, its light and toasty and got roasted nuts and is very sugary, nice feeling in my stomach now - which is fake in so many ways because I don't make a big deal out of eating anything and I didn't feel so like Yaay! when I ate the Pecabon and I can't feel food in my stomach. And anyways talking about what you just ate is a trend in blogging and it's because some bloggers try to pretend they got such childish and happy lives.

It's this compulsive self-assesment which bogs me down so that I forget what I was gonna say next and get this squeezed up upset feeling in my throat and I can't focus anymore and that's why I'd stop.