Meeting friends

yeah, first day of school and you've walked the 2 km to get there and it's just a bit sunny to do so, even though your school bag is empty. There's a lot of cars on the road and they're a bit impatient but they don't honk their horns too much because the morning is kind of too early and lazy for that. Walking by the cars and other boys walking to school and construction workers who've started probably an hour earlier reminds me of my school sandwich for some reason, and I might have forgotten it but I can get money from Abi at school so it's alright inshAllah.

Everyone's in the break yard by then and you recognise your friends in a group some way off and they spot you when you break out from the crowd. As soon as you're close enough to see each other you make eye contact with one of them. You look happily surprised like you just noticed him. Your eyebrows bounce up and you simultaneously blink both eyelids wide open.

As you approach you must look extremely delighted. This can be done by arranging your mouth so it looks like you're trying to suppress a massive smile 'cause you're so happy. Your face actually looks like you're trying to use the bathroom and you have constipation.

As soon as you cover the distance you can hug each other, which is a relief because your head is now behind his face, and you can totally relax your features if no-one is looking. Unfortunately there's probably a group of friends waiting for their turn, so you can't just do that yet. You've got to close your eyes lightly and smile a bit like it's the best feeling in the world to hug someone you haven't seen in four months and who got enough dandruff in his hair to look like a silverback gorilla.

See, it's so awkward going through all this every time you meet someone you haven't seen for a while. Unfortunately it's what my friends expect from me because I've always been like that since I had friends, and if I stop and walk in school with no visible emotion they might think I was really angry over my AS grades, or that my school sandwich had cucumber which wouldn't make me angry anyway because I forgot it at home.

reflection on my writing

Okay, so this is supposed to be a small period of self-reflection, and i'm supposed to write in this period so I can  clearly understand my reflections. Writing will slow my thoughts so I can  verify the scientific integrity of each reflection and when I read it later I'll understand myself better inshAllah.

Whenever I read some really awesome blog I so want to be able to write like that - i'm trying to scoop up any bit of concentration left after Muhammad gave Fatimah a very loud read out of cooking-safely instructions in the kitchen.

My problem with writing is I constantly asses what I've written to make sure my comparisons are accurate and will give the reader the same feeling I felt when I saw whatever it is the comparison is about. Writing also slows my thoughts down so much that they become heavy and constructed brick by brick like a building.

I want them to be like popcorn when you pour it from the frying machine into a big cup and they fall down really lightly and bounce about, and the cup doesn't feel heavy at all though it's a lot of tasty popcorn. I want reading my writing to be like eating popcorn. You don't notice you're going through it at all untill you're done.

I also get very depressed when writing because I keep going back and checking that i'm not trying to write like someone else or that i'm not being too vague or general or that i'm not writing something that sounds fake, like - just had Cinnabon Pecabon, Yaay!, its light and toasty and got roasted nuts and is very sugary, nice feeling in my stomach now - which is fake in so many ways because I don't make a big deal out of eating anything and I didn't feel so like Yaay! when I ate the Pecabon and I can't feel food in my stomach. And anyways talking about what you just ate is a trend in blogging and it's because some bloggers try to pretend they got such childish and happy lives.

It's this compulsive self-assesment which bogs me down so that I forget what I was gonna say next and get this squeezed up upset feeling in my throat and I can't focus anymore and that's why I'd stop.